Dear 16-year old Kodaly,
It feels so great to be young, doesn't it? To have all the world to twirl around your little finger. This is one of the best times of your entire life. You have the attic of a townhouse all to yourself, you're in a soccer team, and you finally realized that Geology is actually an interesting course. You can do as you please, considering that you can hoodwink your parents out of their hard-earned money.
I know that no matter what your 26-year old self will say, you will still do what you want anyway. But if you slowed down your life's pace and be a little less headstrong, maybe you can save both of us a lot of heartache.
One of the things that I want to tell you is that you must never fall in love with your roomie. Do not help him stick glow-in-the-dark stickers on his room's ceiling. Do not ask him any questions regarding chemistry. Do not study with him or even think of applying face masques with him. Do not play with hair mascara with him. Never go to his room wearing only a tank top and panties when you have nightmares. Do not cook for him because he will just stay in his room and not eat that dinner that you prepared for him. Do not buy him chocolate bars. He is just going to break your heart and leave you pining for him years later.
If there is someone you can be with, it's Erwin. He might not be that great to look at and he will gain a lot of weight after a few years, but he is the kind of guy who will love you forever, if you give him the chance. His family loves you and given the kind of guy he is, he will surely take care of you. I know that his being perpetually late is getting on your nerves, but in the larger scheme of things, this is very trivial. If you do not hold on to him, he will be Arlene's.
Stay away from all those frat boys. They just want to get in your pants. Or under your skirt (because you hardly wear pants). But even until this day, I still believe what you said. That good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere.
When your mother calls you and tells you that your grandfather is in the hospital because of emphysema, go home to Polomolok immediately. He's dying. You do not want your last memory of someone that you loved with all your heart to just be a telephone conversation wherein he said, "Good girl ka Kods, ha. Mahal ka ni Lolo."
Make sure you don't play hookey and that you read your textbooks.
Please make sure that you eat. Being as skinny as Kate Moss isn't really that appealing. I have gained a few pounds but I am very, very beautiful. Men will still fall in love with you not just because you have the best abs in the campus. All you need to learn is a little compassion and to give more of yourself.
I know that right now, it feels as though this will never end. But soon, the world will stop waiting for you. A few years from now, you will learn how to do the laundry and hold a beautiful baby boy in your arms.
The reason why I wanted to write to you is not because I have regrets. In fact, you will never have any real ones. The truth is, I still want you to live your life the way you do. If we decided otherwise, I would not be the person I am right now - scarred, broken, even, yet resilient. I wrote to you because I want to tell you that no matter what you will go through, you will grow yet remain the same. I want to tell you that in the most difficult parts of the next ten years, when things are pulsing, hurting, and throbbing, remember that everything will pass. All you have to do is to remain strong. I know that I can count on you for that, you funny, silly girl.
Love,26-year old Kodaly
0 comments:
Post a Comment