Number of dates for Valentine's Day - 0; Number of people who have told me that I am their fallback plan for Valentine's Day - 1; Possibility that someone will give me flowers on Valentine's Day - 0; Possibility that I will have to run a class on Valentine's Day - 100; Number of times that I have looked into my social calendar for Valentine's Day - 17; Number of entries in social calendar for Valentine's Day - 0
Maybe I should get a life.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Friday, January 26, 2007
Push
They stood at the edge of a precipice. They did not want to jump.
"We are afraid," they said.
He pushed them.
And they flew.
"We are afraid," they said.
He pushed them.
And they flew.
Genie In a Bottle
This was a scene in my training room.
Topic for the day : Problem Solving
Kodi : What are the things that concern you guys nowadays? Do you have any problems as of the moment?
The trainees' replies range from family concerns, cheating boyfriends, having no money, to passing training.
Kodi : Okay! So don't you sometimes wish that there is a magic man on the mountain who can show you the right path? Or that you get to find a bottle when you're walking on the beach; and when you rub that bottle, a genie pops out and says, "Your wish is my command."?
Trainee 1 : I am going to wish for a million dollars.
Trainee 2 : Wish for a million dollars to rain on you.
Kodi : Yeah. In pennies!
Trainee 3 (who happens to be gay) : I want penis to rain on me.
Topic for the day : Problem Solving
Kodi : What are the things that concern you guys nowadays? Do you have any problems as of the moment?
The trainees' replies range from family concerns, cheating boyfriends, having no money, to passing training.
Kodi : Okay! So don't you sometimes wish that there is a magic man on the mountain who can show you the right path? Or that you get to find a bottle when you're walking on the beach; and when you rub that bottle, a genie pops out and says, "Your wish is my command."?
Trainee 1 : I am going to wish for a million dollars.
Trainee 2 : Wish for a million dollars to rain on you.
Kodi : Yeah. In pennies!
Trainee 3 (who happens to be gay) : I want penis to rain on me.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Vanity Is His Favorite Sin
Mark Humphrey Mendoza is my best friend at work. Well, I have another very good friend at another site but we get along for entirely different reasons. Grin, grin.
Mark and I are friends because we were promoted almost at the same time and we have no choice but to lean on each other when the going got tough. But that is only the first reason. We are also friends because he laughs at my jokes and my serious remarks (such as those about my gay ex-boyfriend).
Mark and I are both gay. He is biologically male but is gay as a Mardi Gras parade. I am biologically female though I am not a lesbian (as opposed to some claims; I never had a relationship with anyone who has a vagina). I am a slutty drag queen trapped in a girl's body. Oh! Big realization. I am right where I want to be.
Mark and I get along because we have no taboo topics and even when we ridicule each other, it is no cause for offense. We both love ciggie breaks; I being the second-hand smoker. We muse about the thrills and spills of our jobs, relationships, and lives while hanging out in the smoking area, in Delifrance, or anywhere along Ayala Avenue right after buying food or drinks in 7-Eleven.
Mark was unofficially voted the Vainest Trainer in our department last Christmas. Apart from the fact that he is vain enough to tell me to write about him in my blog and to give me explicit instructions on what to write (the nerve of him!), he also takes pictures of himself in yellow (not fluorescent) light and makes remarks such as, "I am so hot!". We have a good number of sublime dressers and metrosexuals in our department. But the reason why it was unanimous is that Mark can never live without blotting film and powder. He even powders his nose in front of his class. He will never be caught dead with an oily face.
I remember an incident that happened a few months back. Mark, Nana (another trainer), and I were waiting for the elevator. It had been a very exhausting day.
"Oh no! I still need to fix my trainees time card punches!" I whined.
"Oh no, my dick is hard!" Mark ridiculed. "Can you top that?"
"Oh no! Your face is oily!"
Mark was so flustered and was panicking. He was practically prying the elevator doors open so that he can check out his reflection in the elevator mirror.
"I fucking hate you, Kodi!" he declared.
Another point for the Queen of Mean.
Mark and I are friends because we were promoted almost at the same time and we have no choice but to lean on each other when the going got tough. But that is only the first reason. We are also friends because he laughs at my jokes and my serious remarks (such as those about my gay ex-boyfriend).
Mark and I are both gay. He is biologically male but is gay as a Mardi Gras parade. I am biologically female though I am not a lesbian (as opposed to some claims; I never had a relationship with anyone who has a vagina). I am a slutty drag queen trapped in a girl's body. Oh! Big realization. I am right where I want to be.
Mark and I get along because we have no taboo topics and even when we ridicule each other, it is no cause for offense. We both love ciggie breaks; I being the second-hand smoker. We muse about the thrills and spills of our jobs, relationships, and lives while hanging out in the smoking area, in Delifrance, or anywhere along Ayala Avenue right after buying food or drinks in 7-Eleven.
Mark was unofficially voted the Vainest Trainer in our department last Christmas. Apart from the fact that he is vain enough to tell me to write about him in my blog and to give me explicit instructions on what to write (the nerve of him!), he also takes pictures of himself in yellow (not fluorescent) light and makes remarks such as, "I am so hot!". We have a good number of sublime dressers and metrosexuals in our department. But the reason why it was unanimous is that Mark can never live without blotting film and powder. He even powders his nose in front of his class. He will never be caught dead with an oily face.
I remember an incident that happened a few months back. Mark, Nana (another trainer), and I were waiting for the elevator. It had been a very exhausting day.
"Oh no! I still need to fix my trainees time card punches!" I whined.
"Oh no, my dick is hard!" Mark ridiculed. "Can you top that?"
"Oh no! Your face is oily!"
Mark was so flustered and was panicking. He was practically prying the elevator doors open so that he can check out his reflection in the elevator mirror.
"I fucking hate you, Kodi!" he declared.
Another point for the Queen of Mean.
Motivation
Surprise, surprise.
You can never motivate someone. The only thing that you can do is to help him find whatever it is that drives him. Thus, all people are motivated since people only do things for their own reasons. In other words, people are just plain selfish.
What are some things that motivate me?
1. Personal achievement. The mere idea of a promotion gives me enough energy that can be used to light up the metropolis for a whole month.
2. Growth. I love learning new things. They said that your body is your temple. However, I do not believe that. My mind is my temple. While other can intentionally or unintentionally physically harm you any old time that they like, no one can ever mess with your mind. You can think all sorts of thoughts and mentally travel to faraway places or even galaxies. And nobody else can interfere with wherever you want to take yourself. So I find it really exciting to stock my mind with new material.
3. Work, work, and more work. A person with busy hands has a happy heart. Universally true. And a lot truer for workaholics like me. I detest being idle. I love feeling busy and important.
4. Money. When it comes to money matters, money matters. Especially when you have a four-year old to think about.
5. Helping others realize their potential. Hmmmm. Seems like I'm in the right place.
You can never motivate someone. The only thing that you can do is to help him find whatever it is that drives him. Thus, all people are motivated since people only do things for their own reasons. In other words, people are just plain selfish.
What are some things that motivate me?
1. Personal achievement. The mere idea of a promotion gives me enough energy that can be used to light up the metropolis for a whole month.
2. Growth. I love learning new things. They said that your body is your temple. However, I do not believe that. My mind is my temple. While other can intentionally or unintentionally physically harm you any old time that they like, no one can ever mess with your mind. You can think all sorts of thoughts and mentally travel to faraway places or even galaxies. And nobody else can interfere with wherever you want to take yourself. So I find it really exciting to stock my mind with new material.
3. Work, work, and more work. A person with busy hands has a happy heart. Universally true. And a lot truer for workaholics like me. I detest being idle. I love feeling busy and important.
4. Money. When it comes to money matters, money matters. Especially when you have a four-year old to think about.
5. Helping others realize their potential. Hmmmm. Seems like I'm in the right place.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Being Pensive
Yeats once said that, "Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths; Enwrought with golden and silver light; The blue and the dim and the dark cloths; Of night and light and the half light..... I would spread the cloths under your feet".
I do not want the heavens under my feet. I want them overhead so that I can see them while lying on my back. I do not really like a bunch of dead stars' light. I only want a dark room with glow-in-the-dark star stickers, spending time with someone who pretends to want to sleep after pretending to study.
But those are just my wants. What I really need is a time machine.
I do not want the heavens under my feet. I want them overhead so that I can see them while lying on my back. I do not really like a bunch of dead stars' light. I only want a dark room with glow-in-the-dark star stickers, spending time with someone who pretends to want to sleep after pretending to study.
But those are just my wants. What I really need is a time machine.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Bronzer
Good Lord in Heaven! I used to believe that people who have blogs are those who want to expose their innermost thoughts and rantings to the world. Now I have one of my own. What does that make me?
Am now back from a two-week sojourn to some nonexistent place. Today is still supposed to be part of my weekend (with Sundays and Mondays being my days off for the next two weeks). But I am here in the office - which is a slave galley somewhere along Ayala Avenue - and I am in an OC-fying frenzy to give all my documents and knicknacks some semblance of order.
My new training class has started last Friday and I have met my twenty-two minions last Saturday. I really took pains in dressing up for that particular day. The first day means you have to make a good first impression and I have to dress the part. I used to think (the operative word is think) that since I am smarter that roughly 80% of the people I've met, I do not need to be concerned about my appearance. However, the place I work in demands that you must look as mind-blowing as you can. Since the pressure was so great, my nonconformist attitude was ripped into shreds. I really fought it so hard.
So even though we can come in wearing jeans and sneakers on a Saturday, I opted to wear fabulous (albeit, painful) stiletto boots and a black designer top with my jeans for the day. I also highlighted my tan with my carefully-applied Body Shop bronzer.
I stepped into my training room and I knew that I looked so divine. It was then time for our getting-to-know-you Kodak moment. I asked my trainees to introduce themselves.
One of them remarked, "Our trainer looks like Tetchie Agbayani."
I, being an ignoramus to television and the movies, asked, "Who's she?"
One guy replied, "She's the first Filipina to pose for Playboy."
"But she became a teacher," another one added.
And since I am an unending source of quips, I remarked, "So are you saying that I was porn star before I became a trainer?"
Am now back from a two-week sojourn to some nonexistent place. Today is still supposed to be part of my weekend (with Sundays and Mondays being my days off for the next two weeks). But I am here in the office - which is a slave galley somewhere along Ayala Avenue - and I am in an OC-fying frenzy to give all my documents and knicknacks some semblance of order.
My new training class has started last Friday and I have met my twenty-two minions last Saturday. I really took pains in dressing up for that particular day. The first day means you have to make a good first impression and I have to dress the part. I used to think (the operative word is think) that since I am smarter that roughly 80% of the people I've met, I do not need to be concerned about my appearance. However, the place I work in demands that you must look as mind-blowing as you can. Since the pressure was so great, my nonconformist attitude was ripped into shreds. I really fought it so hard.
So even though we can come in wearing jeans and sneakers on a Saturday, I opted to wear fabulous (albeit, painful) stiletto boots and a black designer top with my jeans for the day. I also highlighted my tan with my carefully-applied Body Shop bronzer.
I stepped into my training room and I knew that I looked so divine. It was then time for our getting-to-know-you Kodak moment. I asked my trainees to introduce themselves.
One of them remarked, "Our trainer looks like Tetchie Agbayani."
I, being an ignoramus to television and the movies, asked, "Who's she?"
One guy replied, "She's the first Filipina to pose for Playboy."
"But she became a teacher," another one added.
And since I am an unending source of quips, I remarked, "So are you saying that I was porn star before I became a trainer?"
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