Big Announcement

I just wanted to say that the more fabulous your shoes are, the more they hurt! And the more the world requires you to stand up and prance around!

Playing Catch Phrase

Definitions from Kaich's, Freda's and Zanny's classes.

1. Bow - another word for arrow
2. Sewer - someone who makes clothes
3. Pumpkin - made of squash
4. Mountain - big soil
5. Garlic - another name for onion
6. Gangster - a naughty boy
7. Daydream - the one you do in the classroom
8. Wrench - the one you use when you make it tight
9. Pocket - I have one of these down there
10. French Fries - it's long and thin. We all love these. Our boyfriends sometimes feed it to us.
11. Junk Food - we eat it but it's dirty
12. Carousel - you ride this to view the vicinity
13. Fire - you use this to kill water
14. Sushi - it's food but with the counterpart of he. (the first guess was She-food)
15. Milk - is something that you do to your baby
16. Phony - a small horse
17. Jock Straps - ball supports
18. Thong - you use it to pick up pasta
19. Kangaroo - not a human or an alien
20. Lottery - is the whole name of lotto
21. Cat - the opposite of mouse
22. Girl - if I'm a boy
23. Dove - is a brand name that flies
24. Sleep - is an installment that you do
25. Schizophrenia - is a sickness for the old
26. Devil - the leader of the ghosts
27. Bellhop - a person in the hotel who jumps
28. Dinosaur - is a colorful aerial animal
29. Ape - a female monkey
30. Faucet - is where blood comes out in horror movies
31. Reindeer - an animal that's like a goat
32. Articrafts - things that you find in the museum
33. Crackers - the plural of fireworks
34. Taboo - what you use to scoop water in the shower
35. Blood - is a red part of my body

Bankruptcy

Messing with my trainees is one of the best things in the world. They really hate math so I take them for a ride. Here are two calls during one of my training class' exam.

Account : Credit Card

Call number 1

Kodi (as the customer) : I know am currently signed up for your Rewards Program.

Mary Anne (as the agent) : Yes, you are. For every dollar that you spend, you get one point.

Kodi : That is so great! But I am calling about the Rebate Program. I was told that I can get some money back or something of that sort.

Mary Anne : Yes. It is also part of our Rewards Program.

Kodi : Really? I did not know that the Rewards Program and the Rebate Program are now rolled into one.

Mary Anne : Yes, it is. It is one way of showing our customers how much we value their service. (notice her good use of Loyalty Phrases)

Kodi : So if I can get one point for every dollar that I spend, how many points do I need to get to earn a dollar for a rebate? Do you get what I mean?

Mary Anne (confidently) : Yes. One point equals one dollar.

(pregnant pause)

Kodi (chuckling) : You guys are never going to make money!

*****

Call number 2

Kodi (as the customer) : Hi. I would like to check how many points I have in your Rewards Program.

Raffy : I would be very glad to assist you with that, ma'am. (note the great use of Care Phrases)

Kodi : I was told that I can get a $25 gift check or a twenty five dollar rebate for every 2,500 points I earn.

Raffy : Yes, that is right. You currently have 100,000 points.

Kodi : Wow! I have been using my credit card since the start of forever and I did not know that I have accumulated so many points.

Raffy : Yes, you have ma'am. Do you want to get a gift check or a rebate?

Kodi : I want a rebate. How will I get it?

Raffy : It will just be credited to your account balance so that you wouldn't have to worry about reaching your credit limit.

Kodi : So if I have 100,000 points, how much will I get as a rebate?

Raffy : Um, $1,250.

*****

Kodi (addressing the rest of the class) : No more calls! Our client is bankrupt!

Today's To-Do List (After Class)

• Email necessary people my daily reports.
• Update my trainees' scorecards.
• Get enough tissue from the bathroom to sop up blood for anticipated ear hemmorhage because I have to
• check my trainees' recordings.
• Print out memos for attendance. This class has a chronic illness - tardiness.
• Work on lowering blood pressure.
• Update attendance tracker.
• Make sure everyone is paid right - clean up time card punches. They should pay me more for doing this.
• Account for all my hours at work.
• Travel home from Makati to Sta. Rosa, Laguna.
• Walk a long way from our pretentious subdivision's gate to my house because there is no public transport allowed during the wee hours and I do not have a car.
• Send Harold a message that I got home safely.
• Brush my teeth and take a warm bath.
• Get my son from his nanny's room to my bed on the house's loft.
• Read myself to sleep.

I can't wait for this day to end.

Word For the Day

Last week, merriamwebster.com's word for the day was deliquesce.

It feels great on my tongue. Deliquesce. De-li-quesce.

Some varieties of cheese deliquesce at certain temperatures.

On a hot summer day, I have visions of Kool Aid deliquescing in water.

Some of my friends are out in this stifling heat, deliquescing in the sun.

Even though you told me you love me in jest, it caused my insides to deliquesce.

His brain has been so fried by drugs that all his reasoning deliquesced.

Sometimes, I want to shoot someone with a ray gun and make him deliquesce.

On My Best Behavior

Try. I hate that word.

Try means to give your best shot. But if you fail, no one must get mad at you since you gave it your all and effort is enough.

• "I'll try to go to your party." (I won't be able to.)


• "I'll try to make it on time." (I'll be late.)


• "I'll try to answer that." (My answer is wrong but you called on me so here goes.)


• "I'm trying not to kill you." (I want to kill you.)

But look at me now. I try. I try to be a good girl. A little over four months away from Christmas, wanting to be in Santa's Nice List. I've gone from Naughty to Extremely-Evil-and-Totally-Irredeemable. I have four more months to convince Santa that I can qualify for Must-Be-Cannonized.

I tried to keep my temper in check when I saw a strange man in my maid's bedroom. ("Who the *^*&%$%$ are you?)

I tried to keep everything in stride when I found out that she's pregnant and the strange man shunned her. ("Serves you right.")

I try wake up every morning that I'm in the afternoon shift to help my son get ready for school. ("Let's have you in the bathroom for your bath, sweetie. Zzzzzz.....)

I try to keep the same level of enthusiasm when I am reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar or The Greedy Python for the nth time. ("On Monday, the caterpillar ate through one apple. How many apples, Koy? Yes, one. But he was still hungry! What an appetite, huh? Sounds like you!" *tickle, tickle the little boy's tummy*)

I try to go back for one more hug when I see Koy hold back tears every time I leave for work. ("I'm running late and there are tons of work waiting for me at the office. But I love you so here's a hug. Just so you know that I'll be hurrying home to see you.")

I tried to assemble Koy's new Hot Wheels Tomb Trap playset. ("The dang instructions are easy to understand because I'm good at abstract reasoning. But how the hell do you rev the car?")

I try not to make sure I have no plans during the weekend because weekends are Koy's. If I have to do something, Koy must do it with me. ("No. I can't go to Baguio with the other trainers if Koy can't go. I'm sorry I was not able to go to the Pigs' Day Out Buffet at the Shang.")

I try. I try. I TRY.

Here's my best shot, here's my all. Is effort enough for you?

If my wishlist included you, would I get you all wrapped up and tied with a bow?

FAQs in the Kodi Userguide

1.Why is your nickname Kodi when your name is Ma. Joanna Stephanie V. Agustin?

My mother didn't care about my gender. She wanted to give me a nickname derived from a Hungarian composer's, Zoltan Kodaly (pronounced /ko dai/ or /ko dE/).

When I was in high school, people would always tease me by saying, "Diyos ko, day!" so I opted for the latter pronunciation.

Then, two plagues came. The H disease and the I sickness. The H disease is when people place an H after the first consonant sound in their names or nicknames (e. g. Jhun, Khen, Dhon, etc.). The I sickess is when you substitute your Y's with I's. Your /th/ becomes a /t/ (e. g. Kathy to Kati) and when your name is spelled with two consonants before the Y, you drop one consonant (e. g. Jenny to Jeni).

Since Kodaly pronounced as /ko dE/ requires so much explanation, I sadly decided to infect myself with the I sickness. Thus, Kodi.


2. Do you really have a child?












Yes. I REALLY have a child.

Name(d by his father) : Chester Luke Agustin

Nickname : Chikoy

Age : 5 years old

Birthdate : April 26, 2002

My Age When He Was Born : 20 years old

Fathered by : Harold Llanes

Fairy Godmothered by : Jun Ryan Orbina


3. How many relationships have you had?

It do not keep tabs on how many men I've enjoyed. What matters is how much enjoyment I derive from them.


4. What do you do when you have free time?

I read. And I read to Koy. Or we go out and watch a movie.


5. What are your dreams?

To go back to school and study marine biology. But I daydream about someone sometimes.


6. Do you have any regrets?

No. None. Not one. Go fuck yourself.


7. What do you look for in a guy?

I don't look. The object of my game is not to see but to be seen.

Original Sound Track

Wouldn't it be great if our lives had a sound track?


Canned laughter would sound every time you crack a joke. This can either give your audience the cue to laugh or to give you the false assurance that someone finds you funny. Sound effects are at your disposal when you want to make a story more convincing. Falling flat on your face or walking around with your fly open will be a lot funnier if a short ditty plays during these Mr. Bean-like occurences.


Well, the music of your choice ought to play during significant times such as

* moments of great effort (i. e. running on the treadmill when it is on high),

*drama moments (i. e. caterwauling when you've been dumped or when someone significant kicks the bucket),

*fits of depression (i. e. after losing your job or wondering why no one wants a loser like you),

*times of extreme stress and agitiation (i. e. meeting deadlines),

*moments worthy of being classified in the action movie genre (i. e. dodging bullets or walking through a dangerous neighborhood),

*being held in suspense (i. e. waiting for the results of a pregnancy test),

*euphoric moments (i. e. when your first date really calls you back the morning after),

*when you're resisting temptation (i. e. looking at cheesecakes or delectable men),

*when you're longing for something you cannot have (i. e. a gorgeous priest),

*falling in love (ugh. cheesy!),

*times when you're horrified beyond belief (i. e. when the hot guy you've slept with last night finally woke up and whose looks now equate to that of a monster's),

*occasions when your life is hanging by a thread (i. e. engaging in extreme sports or provoking me),

*winning moments (i. e. hitting a homerun or topping the bar exam),

*touchy-feely instants (i. e. your child's firsts),

*miraculous events or when the unbelievable happens (i. e. passing training),

*moments of extreme wonder and beauty (i. e. enjoying a breathtaking sunset or gazing at Kodi).


But we have to have the option of putting everything on mute. Because there are times when you really need to sleep, meditate, or hear yourself think. Or others speak.

Sounds In Order of Presentation

My son can read! He makes me so proud. Just one month in school and he can read.

I've been reading to my son since he was born. Our house is so cluttered with books that they cover almost every surface.

It's amazing since I was taught how to read by memorizing the alphabet and the sounds that these symbols make. His school made it really easy for him since he was taught sounds in order of presentation. I knew I chose well because the person who runs his school is a member of the International Reading Association and the Reading Association of the Philippines.